Jan 1, 2013

Detox Diary #6: Where the Sun Don't Shine

20 07 2012
2222 hrs

I had my first colonic today-- it was mildly uncomfortable but by no means unbearable. There were 2 nurses tending to me so things went rather...swimmingly haha.

I can't get over how much at ease everyone here tries to put you; the hospitality is truly unmatched by anything i've experienced.

So this morning I started off by missing Pilates, just because I'm so exhausted and lethargic from the detox's effects, then the afternoon brought the colonic and a liquid lunch.

I don't know how much detail I ought to go into, but I'll just recap in point form...

  • Not allowed to consume food or liquid for a few hours prior-- so I end up skipping breakfast and drinking my psyllium husks a lot earlier in the morning
  • Get weighed in prior to the colonic (just so they can compare stuff after)
  • Get 2 nurses assigned to me
  • Get escorted to a treatment room overlooking the ocean (!!!!!!!!!!) and decked out with colonic-related equipment everywhere. I'm intimidated. 
  • 1 nurse strokes my tummy and talks to me to calm me down
  • the other nurse... does the deed. It feels fine, really, and doesn't hurt at all (thank you, KY jelly!)
  • The liquid (I'm not sure wot it is but it is definitely a herbal blend to soothe your digestive tract) gets pumped IN via the tube to wash out the colon, essentially
  • The pump then reverses and the liquid gets sucked back out
  • Repeat process.
  • BTW: There is some discomfort because your really filling up your colon and tummy and etc with liquid, which feels alot like severe bloating
  •  Lots of stroking and gentle chatting ensues to get my mind off the discomfort.
  • Repeat again. 
  • Switch to filtered water and repeat. 
  • All in all, the in & out cycle occurs about 5 times.
  • Oh have I mentioned that part of the equipment includes a clear cylinder at the filtration system which shows you...the contents of my digestive tract. This is gross but I did spot a shitake mushroom float by-- myself and the 2 nurses laughed SO HARD at that!
  • Finally, they tell me the worst is over, and I am instructed to pee, just to make sure things are working fine. Go figure. 
  • I do another weigh-in, and I've basically dropped 2 kilos in 4 days. 
  • YAY GOOD JOB. 

Then I took my first (and only!) excursion to Lamai Beach, 2nd on Koh Samui only to Chaweng Beach, that overcrowded, slightly seedy, very touristy stretch of cheap hotels, dingy bars and street stalls.

I had a driver sent down to take me around, which was very nice. I chose to sit in the front, because my parents always told me you only sit in the back if the person's literally your driver (i.e. it is RUDE to sit behind like your above it all). So i sat with him and talked to him. It was very nice.

Anyway, when I get back to the resort, I put my iPod on the dock only to realize by the 4th electronica track (my usual genre of music-- and this was the Chemical Brothers, no less!) that it was definitely not preferable to the soothing instrumental CD I'd been thoughtfully provided with.

No comments: