Nov 12, 2008

election headlines: REPORT CARD.

succinct soundbites on the election smackdown, inspired by the lovely ms huffington. final election coverage...till 2012!

WINNERS:

• THE DAVIDS - Axelrod and Plouffe:
they spearheaded a virtually-flawless campaign, fully earning their rapturous cheers upon first mention in Barack Obama’s victory thank-you speech.

• SNL:
skyrocketed from "is that still on?" to Must See TV (or, at least, Must See on YouTubeTV). Thanks in large part to:

• TINA FEY:
her tongue-in-cheek deprecation of Palin was pitch perfect; a comedy mugging for the ages…and this coming just months after that glorious Emmy multiple-statuette triumph. Fabulous!

• MICHELLE OBAMA:
smarts, grace, charm, and a serious "good mommy" vibe. We see how Barack fell in love!...but best find that puppy soon.

• KATIE COURIC:
her Palin interviews were the turning point in how we saw Palin, revealing her shallow knowledge bank and personality in an exemplary display of journalistic integrity and flair—without room for accusations of bias. CBS better kill those stories about Couric not delivering enough viewers-per-million bucks paid, stat.

• FIRST-TIME VOTERS EVERYWHERE:
what a way to get your teeth cut in the political process—sometimes we forget that, in democracies, the highest office isn’t that of President but that of CITIZEN. Barack the vote!


RUNNERS-UP:

• THE CLINTONS:
after a primary season that left them battered, Bill and Hillary successfully proved why they deserve their reputation as a political juggernauts—Bill an exceptional orator (did you catch his speech with Obama in Florida?!?!?!), Hillary as fervent a Dem as ever, campaigning for Obama, the man she once could barely look at. And don’t get me started on all that book deal moolah!

• THE MCCAIN-PALIN TICKET:
gracious in defeat, John McCain took that last chance primetime television coverage to reclaim the reputation of the Straight Talk Express, by pledging his unconditional support to the new President, as well as the ideals that American so reveres. As for Palin—come on, Survivor: All Stars or The Celebrity Apprentice have gotta be calling soon! Heard that, Mark Burnett?
Neiman Marcus, Bergdorf Goodman: 6-figure sums plundered from the RNC’s war chest and public financing, adding to their overflowing coffers. There’s nothing like proving the Repub’s economic logic than to put it into practice, Ms Palin. Plus, the added publicity should allow them some advertising budget cuts.


LOSERS:

• FOX news, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh and hate-mongers everywhere:
the stink didn't stick to Obama but it stuck to them—Sean is now grateful for Holmes on cable. And BTW, wouldn’t it be cool to have an election edition of The Corporation?

• DUBYA:
the repudiation of his presidency was overwhelmingly unequivocal, not to mention the failed legacy he left behind for the Dems to clean up, and a reputation in tatters that has gone down in history.

• THE REPUBLICAN PARTY:
see Bush, above. Alternatively, visit most websites on the Internet for more.

• JOE THE PLUMBER:
the clock just hit 15 minutes, and the wakeup call will not be pleasant. Besides, anyone who thinks 250K a year is “average” needs as much of a wake up call as John “the fundamentals of our economy are strong” McCain.

• FOLKS WHO JUST DIDNT GET IT:
the inability to see past our differences is testament to small America and small minds. They don’t call it color BLINDNESS for nothing.

share your thoughts on the election smackdowns!

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